Some old questions

Here is a collection of some of the questions I have received in the past. I did not edit any of these questions or comments and what you read is exactly what happened in real life. I will not quote any questions that any person reading this may find offensive and I will not use any information to identify the people who asked those questions. Enjoy.
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User: “Hello, do you know how to contact the IT help people?"
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The cutting board:
User: "Can you show me how to use the paper cutter?"
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Pointing to ruler on cutting board, where INCHES is clearly labeled: "excuse me, is this in inches?"
Me: "yes"
User: "then why does it start at 1?"
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User: "Can I have a stapler?"
Me: "There’s one next to the printers"
User: "Oh really I didn't see one"
Me: "it’s an automatic stapler"
User: "Oh really? Is it intense?"
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User: “Where are windows computers?
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User: “I click on this website in my email and it doesn't work"
Me: "Have you tried typing the address in your browser?"
User: “No”
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User: "I clicked on a pop up that said that it would clean the crap off my computer and it turned out to be a virus and now a bunch of porn windows pop up. How do I fix this?
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User: “Where is the Microsoft XPS Printer?”