User: "Do you have glue?"
Me: "No"
User: "Interesting..."
User: "Are you a consultants?"
Me: "Yes I am a consultant, what can I do for you?"
User: "Do those macs have windows on them?"
User: "Do you know where I can arrange for a ride to the airport?"
User: "Do you have a band-aid I can steal?"
Friday, December 18, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Last Friday
User: "Do you have change for a $20?"
Me: "No sorry"
User: "don't you have a cash box here?"
Me: "no"
User: "Do you have scanners?"
Me: "Yeah they're in the front two rows of macs and pcs"
User: "I've never been to this facility before, where is that?"
Me: "The front"
Me: "No sorry"
User: "don't you have a cash box here?"
Me: "no"
User: "Do you have scanners?"
Me: "Yeah they're in the front two rows of macs and pcs"
User: "I've never been to this facility before, where is that?"
Me: "The front"
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
What We're Thankful For
User: "What time do the parking meters start counting time?"
Coworker: "Do you know if Dreamweaver has an ABC check?"
User: "WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING A STAPLER IF YOU DON'T HAVE A STAPLE REMOVER?!"
User: "So the poster printer is about two times larger than a regular sheet of paper?"
Coworker: "Do you know if Dreamweaver has an ABC check?"
User: "WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING A STAPLER IF YOU DON'T HAVE A STAPLE REMOVER?!"
User: "So the poster printer is about two times larger than a regular sheet of paper?"
Saturday, November 14, 2009
This Week in Questions
User: "I dislocated my hard drive from the computer and the videos still play, why is that?"
User: "I am I allowed to ask you a question?"
Me: "yes"
User: "Where do I put the headphones in on a mac?"
User: "Do you have a cell phone I can borrow?"
User: "Do you have a compass?"
User: "I am I allowed to ask you a question?"
Me: "yes"
User: "Where do I put the headphones in on a mac?"
User: "Do you have a cell phone I can borrow?"
User: "Do you have a compass?"
Monday, November 9, 2009
Every day I wonder...
User: "Are there any scanners that aren't connected to computers?"
User: "Are we allowed to use the staplers?"
User: "Can I borrow your chair?"
User: "Do you have any headphones I can borrow?"
Me: "No sorry, we don't loan out headphones"
User: "Do you have any in the lost and found i can use?"
Me: "No"
User: "YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK!"
Me: "I said we don't loan out headphones"
User: "Are we allowed to use the staplers?"
User: "Can I borrow your chair?"
User: "Do you have any headphones I can borrow?"
Me: "No sorry, we don't loan out headphones"
User: "Do you have any in the lost and found i can use?"
Me: "No"
User: "YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK!"
Me: "I said we don't loan out headphones"
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
It Could Have Been Worse
User: "Do you have any masking tape?"
Me: "No, sorry"
User: "That's sad."
User: "Do you have any more scanners besides those 4?"
Me: "Yeah, we have two rows on both the mac and PC side."
User: "Oh, I'm blind, thank you."
User: "I spilled pop on my laptop today, I dried the keys off and it worked fine, then I put it my backpack and now it doesn't work. What can I do?"
Me: "Unfortunately, most of the pop seeped inside your laptop and when it sat there for hours it caused whatever damage it caused. Right away you should have flipped it upside down and kept it like that for a day so it can drain and dry out. You'll have to go to the repair center to see if they can recover your data and fix it."
User: "So there's nothing you can do for me now?"
Me: "No sorry, and at this hour the repair center is closed, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow."
Me: "No, sorry"
User: "That's sad."
User: "Do you have any more scanners besides those 4?"
Me: "Yeah, we have two rows on both the mac and PC side."
User: "Oh, I'm blind, thank you."
User: "I spilled pop on my laptop today, I dried the keys off and it worked fine, then I put it my backpack and now it doesn't work. What can I do?"
Me: "Unfortunately, most of the pop seeped inside your laptop and when it sat there for hours it caused whatever damage it caused. Right away you should have flipped it upside down and kept it like that for a day so it can drain and dry out. You'll have to go to the repair center to see if they can recover your data and fix it."
User: "So there's nothing you can do for me now?"
Me: "No sorry, and at this hour the repair center is closed, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow."
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Answer is NO
User: "Can a student organization put messages on computer's desktops?"
Me: "No, there is no advertising on, in or around our computers"
User: "This isn't an advertisement, we want to get donations."
Me: "It is still not allowed."
User: "Can I have the contact information of the people who would set it up for me?"
Me: "It's policy so They're going to say no as well"
User: "What are their names and phone numbers?"
Me: "All I can give you the group email of the higher ups who will say no if you want."
User: "Fine, what is it?"
Me: "No, there is no advertising on, in or around our computers"
User: "This isn't an advertisement, we want to get donations."
Me: "It is still not allowed."
User: "Can I have the contact information of the people who would set it up for me?"
Me: "It's policy so They're going to say no as well"
User: "What are their names and phone numbers?"
Me: "All I can give you the group email of the higher ups who will say no if you want."
User: "Fine, what is it?"
Friday, October 23, 2009
Ode de Scanners
user: "How would I go about using a scanner?"
user: "Can you help me use a scanner?"
me: "sure, where are you logged on?"
user: "Oh? I have to be on a computer to use a scanner?"
me: *sigh* "yes, you do. When you find a computer with a scanner, let me know and I'll help you"
user: "Do you know how to use the rasterizer machine?"
me: "What is that?"
user: "You know, i put my flier on it and I open it on the computer"
me: "Oh you mean a scanner?"
user: "Yeah"
user: "Can you help me use a scanner?"
me: "sure, where are you logged on?"
user: "Oh? I have to be on a computer to use a scanner?"
me: *sigh* "yes, you do. When you find a computer with a scanner, let me know and I'll help you"
user: "Do you know how to use the rasterizer machine?"
me: "What is that?"
user: "You know, i put my flier on it and I open it on the computer"
me: "Oh you mean a scanner?"
user: "Yeah"
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
People Must Still Be On Break
user: "I left a cord here a few days ago, do you have it in your lost and found?"
me: "What kind of cord?"
user: "I think one end is USB, I don't know about the other"
user: "I seem to have accidentally unplugged my monitor and its black now"
me: "Have you tried wiggling the connections to see if that works?"
user: "I'm in the middle of an online test so I can't do that"
user: "Do you know where I can find an empty classroom?"
user: "Do you offer tech support?"
me: "What kind of cord?"
user: "I think one end is USB, I don't know about the other"
user: "I seem to have accidentally unplugged my monitor and its black now"
me: "Have you tried wiggling the connections to see if that works?"
user: "I'm in the middle of an online test so I can't do that"
user: "Do you know where I can find an empty classroom?"
user: "Do you offer tech support?"
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Copy Machine?
User: "Can you help me with the copy machine?"
Me: "Yeah, sure - what seems to be the problem?"
User: "My copy card doesn't work for some reason"
Me: "Copy card? Can I see it please? ...Ah ha, this is for the library only. You'll need to use your student ID for these copy machines"
User: "Huh?"
Me: *sigh* "These copiers are not run by the library, but instead use your printing allocation to copy"
User: "Well that doesn't help me, I paid a lot for this card, so it should work"
Me: "Yeah, sure - what seems to be the problem?"
User: "My copy card doesn't work for some reason"
Me: "Copy card? Can I see it please? ...Ah ha, this is for the library only. You'll need to use your student ID for these copy machines"
User: "Huh?"
Me: *sigh* "These copiers are not run by the library, but instead use your printing allocation to copy"
User: "Well that doesn't help me, I paid a lot for this card, so it should work"
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
A Normal Day
User: "I want to tape up some fliers, can I have a tape despenser?"
Me: "no"
User: "My document keeps on printing to the Microsoft XPS document writer and I can't find it"
Me: "That 'printer' doesn't exist"
User: "I'm looking for a computer with a scanner"
Me: "They're on the fisrt 2 rows of Mac & PC computers"
User: "I tried that one but the computer isn't working"
Me: "What's wrong with it?"
User: "The screen is black"
Me: After looking at it, "The screen was off, you should be all set now"
User: "Do you sell blue book exams here?"
User: "Am I allowed to use the stapler?"
Me: "no"
User: "My document keeps on printing to the Microsoft XPS document writer and I can't find it"
Me: "That 'printer' doesn't exist"
User: "I'm looking for a computer with a scanner"
Me: "They're on the fisrt 2 rows of Mac & PC computers"
User: "I tried that one but the computer isn't working"
Me: "What's wrong with it?"
User: "The screen is black"
Me: After looking at it, "The screen was off, you should be all set now"
User: "Do you sell blue book exams here?"
User: "Am I allowed to use the stapler?"
Friday, October 9, 2009
Lazy Friday
User: "Hi, do you work here?"
Me: "Yes"
User: "Can you show me how to use the library catalog? I can't seem to find this book"
Me: "This isn't the library, but if you search the book name and/or author in the online catalog you might be able to find it"
User: "I did, it says it's in the UGLi"
Me: "Okay, then what am I supposed to do?"
User: "Hello, Can I solicit a complaint with you?"
Me: "Eh, Okay"
User: "The middle hole on the hole-puncher doesn't work"
User: "Can I have some change for the copy machine?"
Me: "Yes"
User: "Can you show me how to use the library catalog? I can't seem to find this book"
Me: "This isn't the library, but if you search the book name and/or author in the online catalog you might be able to find it"
User: "I did, it says it's in the UGLi"
Me: "Okay, then what am I supposed to do?"
User: "Hello, Can I solicit a complaint with you?"
Me: "Eh, Okay"
User: "The middle hole on the hole-puncher doesn't work"
User: "Can I have some change for the copy machine?"
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Static Shorts
This is from a while back, but I just remembered it today.
User: "This may seem a bit random, but are you good at physics and chemistry?"
Me: "Yes I know a couple of things"
User: "Do you know how to stop static electricity? My shorts keep riding up my legs and its driving me crazy."
Me: "You could try touching a bare unpainted metal surface, but other than that I don't know"
User: "That didn't work. If this doesn't stop soon I might just have to rip my shorts off. Oh well, thanks"
Me: "eh Okay"
User: "This may seem a bit random, but are you good at physics and chemistry?"
Me: "Yes I know a couple of things"
User: "Do you know how to stop static electricity? My shorts keep riding up my legs and its driving me crazy."
Me: "You could try touching a bare unpainted metal surface, but other than that I don't know"
User: "That didn't work. If this doesn't stop soon I might just have to rip my shorts off. Oh well, thanks"
Me: "eh Okay"
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Kitchen Utensil & Appliance Wednesday
User: "Do you have a coffee stirrer?"
...
User: "Do you have a fork I can borrow?"
...
User: "If you put a hard drive in the washer, will it still work afterwards?
...
User: "Do you have a fork I can borrow?"
...
User: "If you put a hard drive in the washer, will it still work afterwards?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Wireless Woes
User: "Hi, for some reason my wireless doesn't work anymore and I didn't do anything to it. I can't use it at home or in the libraries anymore"
Me: "Okay, lets take a look at it"
User: "They tried to help me at the library but they couldn't figure it out"
Me: "Did you or they try repairing the wireless connection?"
User: "I don't know what that is"
Me: "If you right-click on the wireless icon over here in the task-bar, you can select repair from the menu that opens up"
User: "oh no we didn't know about that"
Me: After seeing that no networks are in range "Is the wireless card even on?" "Is there a switch on your laptop to turn it off?"
User: "A switch to turn off the wireless? That's a new concept to me"
Me: "Looks like it was off"
User: "I'm so stupid, Thanks so much, you're a life saver"
Me: "No problem, have a nice evening"
Me: "Okay, lets take a look at it"
User: "They tried to help me at the library but they couldn't figure it out"
Me: "Did you or they try repairing the wireless connection?"
User: "I don't know what that is"
Me: "If you right-click on the wireless icon over here in the task-bar, you can select repair from the menu that opens up"
User: "oh no we didn't know about that"
Me: After seeing that no networks are in range "Is the wireless card even on?" "Is there a switch on your laptop to turn it off?"
User: "A switch to turn off the wireless? That's a new concept to me"
Me: "Looks like it was off"
User: "I'm so stupid, Thanks so much, you're a life saver"
Me: "No problem, have a nice evening"
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Some old questions
Here is a collection of some of the questions I have received in the past. I did not edit any of these questions or comments and what you read is exactly what happened in real life. I will not quote any questions that any person reading this may find offensive and I will not use any information to identify the people who asked those questions. Enjoy.
...
User: “Hello, do you know how to contact the IT help people?"
...
The cutting board:
User: "Can you show me how to use the paper cutter?"
...
Pointing to ruler on cutting board, where INCHES is clearly labeled: "excuse me, is this in inches?"
Me: "yes"
User: "then why does it start at 1?"
...
User: "Can I have a stapler?"
Me: "There’s one next to the printers"
User: "Oh really I didn't see one"
Me: "it’s an automatic stapler"
User: "Oh really? Is it intense?"
...
User: “Where are windows computers?
...
User: “I click on this website in my email and it doesn't work"
Me: "Have you tried typing the address in your browser?"
User: “No”
...
User: "I clicked on a pop up that said that it would clean the crap off my computer and it turned out to be a virus and now a bunch of porn windows pop up. How do I fix this?
...
User: “Where is the Microsoft XPS Printer?”
...
User: “Hello, do you know how to contact the IT help people?"
...
The cutting board:
User: "Can you show me how to use the paper cutter?"
...
Pointing to ruler on cutting board, where INCHES is clearly labeled: "excuse me, is this in inches?"
Me: "yes"
User: "then why does it start at 1?"
...
User: "Can I have a stapler?"
Me: "There’s one next to the printers"
User: "Oh really I didn't see one"
Me: "it’s an automatic stapler"
User: "Oh really? Is it intense?"
...
User: “Where are windows computers?
...
User: “I click on this website in my email and it doesn't work"
Me: "Have you tried typing the address in your browser?"
User: “No”
...
User: "I clicked on a pop up that said that it would clean the crap off my computer and it turned out to be a virus and now a bunch of porn windows pop up. How do I fix this?
...
User: “Where is the Microsoft XPS Printer?”
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Inagural Post
User: "Do the macs have USB ports?"
Me: "Yeah, they're on the back and the sides of the keyboard"
User: "are we allowed to use them?"
Me: "I don't see why not?"
Me: "Yeah, they're on the back and the sides of the keyboard"
User: "are we allowed to use them?"
Me: "I don't see why not?"
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